The Lucy gets Kicked Out Quiz (and Miscellaneous Drabbles)!
by CurlyQues
Summary: We've all seen these around. Stories about how Lucy Heartifilia gets bullied out of Fairy Tail and runs off to Sabertooth. But how original, how good are these stories? Take the "Lucy gets Kicked Out" quiz to find out! Or, just sit back and have a laugh, as this quiz doesn't have to be taken seriously if you don't want it to be.
1. Chapter 1

"**Lucy gets kicked out" Drinking Game or fun quiz of Sorts! **

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**I see these stories EVERYWHERE in the Fairy Tail portion of this site. I'm putting this here partially for laughs, as this is fun to write, and partially for new writers to see. As these stories are EVERYWHERE, it's easy to begin analyzing them for what makes them good and/or atrociously bad. I've noticed a few patterns. There are the obvious:**

**Bad Grammar**

**Ridiculously hurried storylines **

**Poorly written dialogue**

**But there's one thing that intrigues me. When I see **_**parodies**_** of this story, I notice that the parodies are often more ridiculous than the originals. It's not like **_**all**_** of these "Lucy gets kicked out" stories are identical, it's that we perceive them as being close to such. And there are honestly some pretty good ones out there. However, even when I read the really amazing stories, I find that there is something holding me back, and that, I believe, is the stereotype we have created for these stories. **

**And there are so many of these out there that it's easy to point out which ones are closest to the stereotype. **

**And the stories that are closest to the stereotype are often the worst. It's the ones that try the hardest to be original that are the best. **

**So I was reviewing a **_**bad**_** story as I have done with so many others and started to write out this list and then decided to just write a story out of it. **

**Confession: I am horribly, awfully harsh in my reviews, even when the stories might not deserve it. **

**I am truly sorry for that. **

**It is my goal not to turn writers off from writing, and I will **_**never**_** tell **_**anyone**_** to quit writing, but this website has time and time again lowered my standards with bad stories and fictions that turn me off from reading that my hopes for stories have pretty much been crushed. It's **_**so**_** disappointing and I often find myself disgusted at how cynical I have become. I go into stories **_**expecting**_** them to be bad, **_**looking**_** for the bad. And that's wrong. So here's my ultimate negativity story to get it all off of my chest. **

**For those of you that I have hurt, I apologize. **

**Back to the drinking game, now. **

**Like I said, everyone has this idea in their head of exactly what a bad "Lucy gets kicked out" story is. Lucy getting kicked out is just the idea, but it carries with it so much baggage that when people hear "Lucy gets kicked out", they automatically think of this awful fanfiction with horribly written characters and improper grammar. That's not what it is. It's what the story has **_**become**_**. **

**So I have compiled a list of things that most people think of when they hear "Lucy gets kicked out". The worst stories that follow this story line are the ones that use the most things on this list in their stories. The best ones are the most original ones, the ones that surprise us cynical bastards. **

**This list is not absolute; it's just a fun little guide that you can put most stories through. This is not the new bible of Fanfiction writing; it's a laugh or hopefully a needle-prick moment of self-awareness for a future writer. Maybe it's an eye-opener for a current writer. I just hope that this is eventually appreciated by someone. **

**So here, a little guide to "Lucy gets kicked out" stories in the form of a drinking game, or fun little test.**

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**RULES: **

**Add one point for every bullet, two points for every number, and three for every letter. Add your total for the end. **

**Sometimes, I'll tell you to add a point here or there on a whim. Yes, you have to add as many points as I tell you to if your story qualifies.**

**Let's begin, shall we?**

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**The Background!**

*Lucy is ignored by everyone in the guild after Lisanna's return

1\. Of course, "everyone" does not include a group of Lucy's friends. Typically less than eight people. The Exceeds are always included in some way or another. Wendy is almost always there, Levy slightly less often than Wendy. Cana, MiraJane, Gajeel, Gray, Romeo (he's got to be paired with Wendy _somehow_, goddammit!), Juvia, and the Rajinshuu are less and less common respectably.

*Lisanna's return is told with some sort of dramatic flair. Dramatic flair meaning the phrase "Lisanna came back from 'the dead'" is used, with "the dead" being in air-quotes.

2\. Lisanna is a bitch. An inexcusably bitchy-bitch.

a. Lisanna became evil in Edolas and does everything in her power to make Lucy completely and utterly miserable.

*The story begins on the very day that Lucy gets kicked out rather than showing her months of internal turmoil due to her exclusion from the guild.

3\. At the bar, Lucy asks for a strawberry milkshake or smoothie from MiraJane and is ignored and/or called by the wrong name (commonly "Luigi").

b. Lucy asks for a strawberry milkshake or smoothie from MiraJane and she is brutally turned down. Talk about harsh!

*Conveniently, the few friends Lucy has managed to retain over the past few weeks or months have all gone off to train or do missions.

**So It Begins!**

*When Natsu and Company call Lucy over to begin the inevitable conversation, Natsu does so impolitely, with an "Oi, you!" or a "Hey, Lucy, get over here!". It has to be something out-of-character for him. Remember, FT friends are Natsu's _nakama_.

1\. Natsu and Company don't even bother with introductions, they just begin with "We are kicking you off of team Natsu".

a. Natsu just begins the conversation by straight-out punching Lucy in the face or stomach.

*The words "useless" and/or "weak" show up in the conversation four times or more. Not four times _each_, four times _combined_.

2\. Lisanna either runs up to Natsu and hugs him from behind during the conversation, kisses him on the cheek or lips during the conversation, or is noted to be watching from the sidelines.

b. Lisanna is notably _smirking_, _grinning_, or_ smiling_ off to the side.

*Lucy doesn't even defend herself in the conversation.

3\. Lucy starts crying before the conversation finishes.

c. Team Natsu takes the crying as a weakness and calls her out for it.

*Natsu beats up Lucy after the conversation.

5\. The beat-down is described down to every last horribly graphic detail.

d. Team Natsu just leaves Lucy to bleed out in the street. Add another point if she is never even shipped off to a hospital by a passerby. No, Sting, Rogue, or whoever Lucy's love interest is in the story do _not_ count as passerby-s.

**Pack all your Troubles in your Old Kit Bag… _When?_**

*Lucy _immediately_ goes and gets her guild mark removed after the conversation.

1\. Lucy calls Master Makarov by some odd nickname that she is never seen to use in the Manga or Anime, like "old guy" or "old man".

2\. Lucy is notably more confident after the conversation, more cocky even.

a. Lucy's personality does a complete 180 and she is ready to change everything to get stronger in order to exact her revenge on FT. Add a point if she becomes demonic or sadistic.

*After Lucy gets her guild mark removed, there is no time spent on her packing her belongings and leaving her apartment. She just leaves.

3\. Lucy almost instantly decides to join Sabertooth immediately after her guild mark is removed, despite all the horrible memories created by Minerva at the Daimatou Enbu, meaning she decides this BEFORE she meets Sting and Rogue.

*Natsu takes fewer than two paragraphs to reflect before chasing after Lucy, only to find that she has already left.

4\. Natsu breaks down and cries after discovering that Lucy has left.

b. While Natsu is crying, Lisanna is there to comfort him. Add another point if she makes a bitch-comment about Lucy and is then punched or attacked for it. Lisanna-haters have to fit that punch in somewhere.

**New Friends!**

*If Lucy takes a train out of Magnolia, Sting and Rogue happen to be on the train.

1\. There is never any explanation for their appearance.

a. The train is never mentioned to have been going to whatever town Sabertooth's guild is, Lucy just happens to be on a train and, well, the twin dragons need a lap to rest upon.

*If the Exceeds are there, Lucy cuddles with them.

2\. Lucy "squeals", "giggles", or "screams" when she first sees the Exceeds. You know, cutesy words.

3\. Sting and/or Rogue immediately rests his head in Lucy's lap because personal space is never an issue in love stories and _Natsu_ did it, after all!

b. Sting and/or Rogue notices that Lucy looks exceptionally beautiful right off the bat. Add another point if the phrase "like an angel" is used.

_OR..._

*If Lucy walks out of Magnolia, she happens upon Sting and Rogue.

1\. Lucy runs into Sting and/or Rogue immediately after she walks out of the guild… OR…

2\. Lucy is found sleeping in the forest… OR…

a. Lucy is found bathing naked in a pool. You know what? Add an _extra_ point for that one. Add two points if Lucy is described in detail while bathing.

3\. There is no explanation for why Sting and/or Rogue happen to be in the forest. They're just there.

b. Sting and/or Rogue notice her exceptional beauty. Add a point if the phrase "like an angel" is used.

c. Right off the bat, either Sting starts calling Lucy "Blondie" or Lucy starts calling Sting "Stingy Bee", or "Bumblebee" or any nickname to the likes of "Bee". Add an extra point if the nicknames are being used by _both_ Sting _and_ Lucy within two chapters of their meeting.

*Lucy immediately tells Sting and Rogue about her plight.

4\. Sting immediately gets angry over it. Add a point if he punches something/destroys anything. Add _two_ points if Rogue gets notably enraged.

5\. Sting and/or Rogue offer then and there to take Lucy to Sabertooth, which she almost immediately accepts.

d. Sting and Rogue offer to help Lucy find a place of her own, despite not really having a reason for it. Add another point if they offer their own homes as a refuge until Lucy finds a new place.

*Just because this really pisses me off when I see it, add a point if Rogue goes really out of character with no explanation.

6\. Also add two points if the word "emo" is used to describe him.

e. Is "emo" is the _only word used_ to describe him beyond his looks?

*Maybe Sting gets the "playboy" title?

7\. "Playboy" is the _only word used_ to describe Sting beyond his looks?

f. "Playboy" is an adjective used _for his looks_?

*By this point in the story, Lucy's personality has done a 180 or she has gotten a complete makeover from Cancer.

8\. Add another point if said makeover gives Lucy black highlights so her hair conveniently is striped like a bee—cute matching couples, I guess? I only put this here because I've seen it more than once.

*Lucy has met the ghost of Layla and/or a dragon prior to her meeting Sting and/or Rogue.

9\. Lucy has discovered that she is actually a Dragon Slayer before her meeting with Sting and Rogue. Add a point if she's the _queen_ of dragons. Add _another_ point if Layla is related to her sudden unexpected rise to royalty. That's five points.

g. If she's not the queen of dragons, maybe Lucy is an Angel Slayer, Demon Slayer, or has new keys? Only add the point if the keys are God/Goddess keys, Wolf keys, or Demon Summoning keys. I'm letting Phoenixes slide for now. Consider yourselves lucky.

h. Add another point if Lucy's personality does a 180 to fit her angst-y Demon Slaying magic.

**Getting the Family Trees Established and OCs**

*If this is an OC story, add a point if your OC has pink or multicolored eyes. You know that pink eyes aren't realistic for FT. You know it.

1\. Your OC has hair that goes beyond her waist in length. It's impractical, and I hate seeing thigh- or knee-length hair. Only add the point if the hair is kept down, in a long ponytail, or pigtails.

a. Add two points if the hair is ankle-length in _ANY_ STYLE. Seriously?

2\. Your OC has highlighted hair. Like, blue or green highlighted hair. Natural sun highlights are A-Okay.

b. Just because I've seen more than one character like this, add three points if your character's hair is _color gradient_. Meaning it starts black and fades to white or starts blue and fades to green, something along those lines.

*You only tell your readers two things about your OC: the hair color and eye color.

3\. Perhaps you go a single step farther and describe the hair color, eye color, and how she's a looker? Only add the point if you don't describe _how_ she is beautiful, but just that she _is_ beautiful.

c. Is the phrase "like an angel" included? Add another point if she actually uses Angel Magic, so it's fitting.

d. You go to great lengths to establish your character's looks but neglect to really describe anything else.**

*Add another point if your character is a sibling or cousin to Lucy.

4\. Maybe she's an identical twin?

e. If a sibling, the girl/boy took numerous beatings from Jude before running away to be forgotten by Lucy. Add another point if, for a twin, she still appears to be the same age as Lucy and the time gap is never explained.

5\. If a twin, add three points if his/her name starts with the letter "L". It's too clichéd.

*Maybe Sting, Rufus, or Laxus turns out to be related to Lucy?

1\. You know what? Add _two_ points if they've known all along.

f. Add two points if Rogue is related to Lucy. C'mon, you people can't even use the pitiful "but he's blonde!" excuse for this one!

**On Minerva Orland**

*Minerva Orland's personality does a complete 180 at some point, meaning she becomes nice with no explanation.

1\. This happens after Lucy defeats Minerva on her first try with her newfound magic.

a. Lucy starts calling Minerva "Min-chan" and Minerva starts calling Lucy "Lu-chan", or _any_ kind of cutesy nickname.

b. Minerva says the words "fan-girl", "shipping" (meaning "I ship them"), or "OMG" at _any_ point.

c. Minerva does a girly "squeal" or "shriek" at any point.

d. _ANYONE _says "OMG", "ship", "fan-girl", or uses _ANY_ text-talk (btw, lol, omg, idk) at _ANY _POINT.

*Minerva in a way replaces Mira for matchmaker

2\. Minerva in a way replaces Levy for a bubbly best friend.

3\. Minerva becomes the guild bitch or a secondary villain like Lisanna was. This is important. Only add the point if Minerva is defeated by Lucy and becomes somewhat of a pathetic laughingstock for the rest of the guild.

4\. Minerva becomes Lucy's frivolous love-rival and it's made _quite_ obvious that Sting/Rogue doesn't love her back.

e. Maybe she becomes comic relief in a way? You know, the stupid bitch that flings herself at the love interests and has no clue that everyone else hates her for it? That's funny, right? _Right?_

**Miscellaneous Stuff that Really Pisses Me Off When I See it.**

*At any point during the story, Lucy is attacked by a gang of thugs.

1\. The thugs are perverted thugs that try to feel up Lucy or kidnap Lucy to presumably do horrible, perverted thug things.

a. Luckily, though, Sting and/or Rogue is there at just the right moment to save the day! Because even though Lucy could clearly do it herself with her Angel Slaying magic or whatever she uses, the thugs were just too darn perverted or something! (Seriously, guys, a little part of the feminist inside me dies every time I read a story that uses _this_ to keep the plot afloat. It's lazy writing.)

*There's a play in town—a LOVE STORY play—and Lucy and Company cast as the actors! We've never seen _that_ before!

2\. Lucy plays Sleeping Beauty or Snow White and Love Interest plays the prince. It has to be one of those two damsels, the sleeping princesses.

b. The only reason given for the play is that the actors all conveniently "got sick" or some other really lame excuse. Yeah, all of the main actors just happened to catch the flu at the same time—and the day before the performance, what bad luck!

*When Love Interest finally confesses his love for Lucy, it's done so to a ridiculous level. He takes three or more lines to tell Lucy that he loves "You, only you! And it will only ever be you, because you're the only one that I've ever wanted!". You guys know what I'm talking about, for crying out loud. Recycled Romance Movie Garbage Dialogue.

*The Exceeds are ever described to "nuzzle into Lucy's breasts". I don't even know why I felt like putting this here. It just gets on my nerves when I see it. Actually, only add the point if the Exceed cuddles up against Lucy's breasts that are _noted to be large_.

*You tell us your OC's height and weight, and they're noticeably underweight. No, it is not realistic for your character to be 5'7" and 112 pounds. It's _unhealthy_. Do not add the point if the OC is _supposed_ to be unhealthily skinny for the plot. Use a BMI calculator.

3\. At that height and weight, the word "slender" should not be used to describe your OC. She's freaking scrawny. Not "slender". Borderline anorexic, actually. I was borderline anorexic at one point, so if you want to duke this out with me, I WILL DO SO. AND WIN.

c. Bonus points if your OC still manages to sport a decent breast size with a disproportionally low weight for her height.

d. Add another bonus point if you _tell_ us that she's at least a C-cup with that weight. Add _another_ point if you _tell_ us that she's an E- or F-cup at _ANY_ point, or if you make sure to point out that her breasts are larger than Lucy's.

*Quasi Japanese is used. You can have a "Lu-chan" here or there, but when the characters start saying "Gomen" as opposed to "I'm sorry", you have a problem.

4\. If, at any point, more Japanese is used than English in a sentence, you have a REAL PROBLEM. WE CAN'T READ THAT.

*Your fanfiction at any point becomes a song-fic. I hate song-fics with a burning passion, so this is personal preference, admittedly. I'll be nice here and let you slide if you use fewer than four lines in between actual dialogue or character observations.

5\. It's obvious that the song lyrics are just copy-pasted from a song lyrics website. Meaning "[_Chorus_]" shows up above the Chorus or in place of the second or third choruses, and "[_Repeat Chorus_]" shows up _anywhere_.

e. There are freaking errors in the song lyrics. You are copying song lyrics instead of writing the actual story right now, so you'd sure as hell better copy those song lyrics _correctly_. Add another point if you type out the song lyrics in text-talk.

6\. The song you choose is in Japanese. Meaning instead of translating it to OUR LANGUAGE SO WE CAN UNDERSTAND IT, you just write out the entire song in Japanese.

f. You either put an English translation _in the middle of the chapter_ or you don't put a translation in at all. I know this is unfair, but if you put an entire song there in Japanese, you don't deserve any mercy.

7\. You don't credit the song artists, or you credit them in the middle of the chapter. This can be done artfully, like a Karaoke bar putting the next song up on the screen. Don't take the two points for that. I mean that before the song lyrics start, you just throw the title and singer's name at the top like a title.

8\. The song is a Pop song. I don't mean "well, Demi Levato sang it", I mean the song is at the time in the Top 40 countdown. It's lazy, the songs are often overdone, and it makes you look like an unoriginal 12-year-old with no taste in music.

g. The song is a _rap_ song that is currently in the Top 40.

h. Add five points if you use "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. Have you no shame?

9\. A duet takes place. Meaning Lucy and Love Interest sing in perfect harmony. Having them swap verses is alright, I suppose. But no perfect harmonies.

*Lucy almost always goes to train in the mountains at some point. Add the point if the training itself is never described, or if you spend fewer than three sentences on it.

*When Team Sabertooth finally goes to the Daimatou Enbu, add a point if Sting, Rogue, and Lucy all share a room separate from the rest of the guild.

10\. Are they not even dating yet and Minerva is just putting them in the same room because Matchmaking?

*Just because, if Yukino, Rufus, or Lucy replaces Orga in the Daimatou Enbu, add a point. Rufus and Yukino are clearly weaker mages, so Orga is clearly just getting axed because he isn't attractive enough to get in the running. Orga needs more love.

*When you introduce the Daimatou Enbu or the Grand Magic Games, you introduce them as the "GMG". Not the "Grand Magic Games", strictly the "GMG". You saved what, twelve letters? Darn it, that's called LAZINESS. It's fine if you call them that after the initial introduction.

*If Rogue's name is spelled "Rouge", add a point. Add the full three points if the fanfiction is a RoLu to begin with. You CANNOT spell Love Interest's name wrong! NO! NO! BAD!

**BONUS ROUND: Lucy Harem!**

*If the battle turns out to be between Rogue and Natsu, Sting and Natsu, or Sting and Rogue, start off with one point.

*Add two points for Gray or Natsu, Sting, or Rogue if the Love Triangle expands to the dreaded Love Quadrilateral.

*Add three points each for Rufus, Laxus, and/or Loke.

*Add four points apiece for Lyon, Hibiki, and/or Cobra.

*Add _seven_ points for Zeref in the spirit of x777… and…

*Subtract three points apiece for either Orga or Elfman. They need love.

* * *

**I have an easy way to figure this out, actually. First, count the lines needed for you to describe your character. Now, count how many lines it took for you to describe the Sabertooth guild hall when Lucy arrives at the guild the first time, combined with the descriptions used for the surrounding town, combined with the exterior description of the guild. If you took more space to describe your character, give yourself the three points.

* * *

**And there you have it, the "Lucy gets kicked out" Drinking Game! For your score:**

**0-20 points: Congratulations, you stepped off of the beaten path! Your story is original, probably creative, and would make Robert Frost proud. **

**21-40 points: Slightly above-average "Lucy gets kicked out" story. It may have its flaws, but nobody is perfect on their first try. It's probably good enough to stand on its own. **

**41-60 points: Getting into dangerous territory, here. Maybe reread your story, work out the kinks, or take some time to reflect on what you've created. It can still be salvaged.**

**61-80 points: Whoa, there, reel it back some! I haven't tallied the scores myself, so it might not even be possible for you to get this high! You might be in some real trouble there, sir/madam! **

**81+ points: You made this a ZerefXLucy story, didn't you? You totally did. What do you people call this ship, anyway? ZefLu? ZeLu? Zefcy? You sick bastard.**

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**In all seriousness, there is no seriousness to this story at all if you choose not to take it seriously. And if you don't, all the power to you. I just had a lot of fun with writing this, and hope you all had fun reading this. It doesn't have to be any more than that. **

**I'm not entirely sure about how I should finish this, so I hope to see more of these stories around, actually. It'll be fun to put them through my little scorer, and now I can just give a single number rather than an all-out review. So if you see me commenting in your review box with a number, now you know what it means. **

**Toodles! See you around, everyone! **


	2. Hiro Mashima's Eternal Internal Struggle

It had actually been a pretty quiet day, at least for Fairy Tail.

It probably didn't hurt that MiraJane was off on a mission. She and Erza always got into fights when they were here, especially since Erza had just returned from another successful mission (the two girls always had to one-up each other in _some_ way or another). Elfman was looking at the mission board for something that suited all three of the Strauss siblings—meaning that it wouldn't be too difficult to complete. He had been complaining recently about how he, MiraJane, and Lisanna hadn't gone on a mission all by themselves in a while, and how he had to keep an eye on the two "as a man"—an obvious farce to cover up the fact that he was worried MiraJane was leaving him and Lisanna behind in the dust.

He had been standing at the request board long enough to try Natsu's patience. The boy's face had turned a shade of pink somehow darker than his hair and was trying desperately to see the jobs that Elfman's larger frame was blocking.

"I need… to find… a job!" Natsu whined, his breath hitching as he tried jumping to get a better look. "Move, Elfman!"

"I need to find a job, too," Elfman sighed.

"You've had your turn looking! This isn't fair!" Natsu seethed. The guild's atmosphere tensed up, as if a ticking time-bomb had been set in the middle of the guild to explode—and knowing Natsu Dragneel, the countdown hadn't been given more than a few seconds to whittle away at. "You jerk! Stop hogging the request board!"

"Stop bullying Elfman, Natsu," Lisanna scolded, walking up to her friend in a desperate attempt to keep the peace. "Happy wanted us to go fishing later today, anyway. You don't need to find a request now."

The last two sentences had been paired with a glare in the little blue cat's general direction. Happy, being less dense than Natsu, got the picture and hastily squeaked out an "AYE!"

"Thanks, Lisanna," Elfman muttered (clearly a bit miffed at the idea of his little sister having to protect him from Natsu). "I just want to make sure that it's a good request, is all…"

"I understand," Lisanna nodded at her brother and spent a moment trying to figure out how not to sound like a nag. "MiraJane is pretty picky about what jobs she takes on. Take your time, Elfman… just… try not to block the request board, please?"

Elfman took a step back and to his left. Lisanna exhaled in relief—crisis adverted. Natsu, in learning about his "planned" excursion, ran off, yelling something about fishing rods as he went. The girl brushed a hand through her snowy white hair and walked out of the guild. She would need to change out of her dress, knowing Natsu and his fishing trips.

Lisanna started walking towards the Fairy Hills dorm as the wind whipped at her face. It was a pretty summer day, dry and hot, but with enough of a breeze to make it seem cooler—a perfect day for fishing, actually. Smiling to herself, Lisanna remembered that MiraJane loved days like these. If her older sister was in a good enough mood when she returned—if her mission ended successfully—she might accept the request from Elfman. Lisanna, though she didn't show it, was looking forward to the mission with her siblings. They really hadn't been spending enough time together recently.

The breeze suddenly turned cold. Lisanna wasn't standing in the shade, and no cloud had gone over the sun, so the girl's mind immediately started to process the situation. Was Gray nearby? She shivered, rubbing her exposed arms in an attempt to keep herself warm. This was _definitely_ Gray's handiwork. There weren't any other ice mages in Magnolia that she knew about.

Then, things started to get weird. The colors _literally_ melted off of her surroundings. Everything turned black and white, like a children's coloring book. Startled, Lisanna looked around, trying to figure out who was behind this. She didn't know Reedus well enough to be well-versed in artistic, color-related magics, but she knew that this situation wasn't anything _close_ to what the painter mage could create. The colors pooled in the street and went down a storm drain. Everything was just black-and-white outlines now, and as Lisanna went to clasp her hands over her mouth in shock, she realized that _she_ was nothing but a black-and-white outline, too.

"I apologize, this must be… a bit of a shock for you," a man's voice spoke up from behind her. Lisanna spun around and gaped up at the now-completely-white sky. Well… it wasn't _completely_ white. There was a streak of color that grew by the second, accompanied by a deafeningly loud ripping noise. The top part of the sky was ripped open… like paper… and a man's face appeared in the opening. It was an _enormous_ man's face. Was this… God? If it was God, why was he appearing in front of her now? And why was she black-and-white?

"My name is Hiro Mashima," the face began. "I'm your creator."

"You what?" Lisanna gaped. "You're my _what_?"

"Well… erm… you're my creation," he explained. "All of your friends are, too."

"Are you… God, then?" Lisanna asked, incredulous.

"Far from it," Hiro laughed uncomfortably. "But I guess that to _you_, I am."

"Umm…" Lisanna stuttered, amazingly keeping calm by some means. "May I ask why you're here, then?"

"Well, actually… erm…" Hiro stammered, looking almost guilty. "I need to fill you in on some information. It's mostly to be polite."

"What kind of information…?"

"You see, you're kind of… not… real," Hiro looked about as uncomfortable giving Lisanna this information as she was with receiving it. "You're part of a story that I'm writing."

"Am I really?" Lisanna felt light-headed, so she sat down on a black-and-white bench.

"Yes, and the story revolves around your friend Natsu and this other girl named Lucy Heartfilia," Hiro continued. "You see… Natsu is a fairly… _dense_ individual. The most tragic thing that has happened to him his entire life is that his adoptive father-dragon left him."

"That's pretty tragic, if you ask me…" Lisanna nervously cut in. "He's still not over that, you know."

"Yes, but… he has a _new_ father-figure in Master Makarov," Hiro argued. "Admittedly, I'm an absolute sucker for the 'girl meets guy, they become best friends, go on adventures, and eventually fall in love' stories."

"…are you talking about me, or this Lucy girl here?"

"Well, Lucy, obviously," the enormous man scoffed. "She's the main character… well… it's debatable, and she needs to befriend Natsu. That's where you come in.

"You see, you're _already_ Natsu's best girl-friend—not _girlfriend_—and I don't really want to have you and Lucy fight over Natsu. It's too much drama… _yeesh_. So I'm going to kill you off, and it's going to be brutal."

"_WHAT?!_" Lisanna yelled at the man, her heart beating erratically in her chest. "Why are you telling me this? I'm going to die? Why do I have to die?"

"Well, you see… I'm not a bad person," Hiro backtracked, trying to justify his proposal. "I have a real difficulty with killing people off, so I don't do it much. I mean, it took me… three months just to be able to write out Ur's death—let me tell you, that wasn't a cake walk—and you've been even _more_ difficult. Seriously, you're too sweet. This is hard for me."

"So… don't kill me off?" Lisanna hopefully suggested.

"No, I have to kill you off! I can't get enough NaLu****** in my manga if you're still here!" Hiro screamed. "But listen, I have to at least apologize to you first. It's common courtesy, you know?"

"So… let me get this straight," Lisanna muttered. "I'm not actually _real_, I exist only in your manga, and Natsu and Lucy are the main characters. And because you think that Natsu losing both his parents _and_ his dragon-parent wasn't enough, you're going to kill _me_ off so he gets more development and can get together with this Lucy girl?"

"Well, that's not the _only_ reason…" Hiro said uncomfortably. "MiraJane and Elfman will be devastated, of course. I'm going to write a few chapters on that, as well."

"I don't like this at all!"

"Well, you don't really have a choice in this," the man stated. He frowned upon realizing how blunt that must have sounded. "Sorry, this is really stressful for me. Do you realize how difficult it is to kill off cute little girls in a children's manga? Already, my producers are asking me to bring you back somehow. Can you believe it?"

"You could just not kill me off!"

"I _have_ to—Natsu's denser than my Auntie's Christmas rum fruitcake and I need to _fix_ that!"

"Isn't there any other way?"

"Probably, but I kind of like this way," Hiro mused. "It ties up a lot of loose ends."

"You do realize that now that you've talked to me like this, I can just try to avoid my death," Lisanna growled.

"No, actually, I can erase your memories of this," Hiro shook his head. "And I _will_ right after we finish this conversation."

"Then what's the point?" Lisanna screamed at him.

"I told you; I needed to apologize to you before killing you off," Hiro groaned.

"Apology _NOT_ accepted!"

"Really, Ur was so much more understanding," Hiro complained. "I suppose that's maturity with age, though."

"I hate this!"

"Sorry, but I really need to get back to work," the man sighed. "Deadlines, you know? I'll be writing your demise into the next chapter, okay?"

"It is _NOT_ okay!"

"Don't worry, I'll erase your memories of this," he grumbled. "I wish we could have come to a nicer conclusion here, but I understand your objections. You won't know when it'll happen, don't worry. It'll be quick."

"Hey, don't—!" Lisanna yelled as the man smoothed the sky back into place, leaving her alone in the black-and-white world. Her vision started to blur, and Lisanna blacked out as her knees buckled.

* * *

Two hours later, the girl woke up in her room to the sound of Natsu and Happy banging on the door, telling her that it was time to go fishing.

"Hey, Lisanna!" Natsu yelled. "We're ready to go!"

"I'll be right out," she said, pausing as she looked at her hands. They were pale, but fleshed-out pink. The girl shook her head, wondering why she would consider such a thing.

Then, she ran outside to join her friends.

.

.

.

****I know that Hiro Mashima probably doesn't talk like this, but we all know he's the biggest NaLu shipper out there. **


End file.
